For Gideon | The Other Email We Didn’t Want to Get
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The Other Email We Didn’t Want to Get

The Other Email We Didn’t Want to Get

We received a second report about Gideon’s delays this week, so we had a call with our American agency yesterday to talk it over. Once again, we sifted through a bunch of possible (read: “maybe we can check for…”) medical diagnoses. And once again, we gave Rebecca our YES, expecting this was one more routine conversation while we waited to be submitted for our Exit Permit, which is the next step that moves the process forward.

Not an hour later, several families – the very families we were SO excited to travel to Korea with – received notification of their Exit Permit Submissions. We were so excited for them and that we’d also get our email, our Exit Permit, any moment!

But instead we were told we had not been submitted. And typing out those words is one of the hardest truths I’ve ever had to come to terms with.

We found out that our Korean agency (SWS) had held back our Exit Permit paperwork from the Ministry, assuming we would surely back out. Our American agencies explained that children with delays are a “loss of face” in the Korean culture, and SWS had made the assumption that because we don’t have a diagnosis or a formal prognosis, we wouldn’t want to move forward anymore.

Talk about shattering my mama heart into a million pieces.

Apparently, after his last report in early August – and in their assumption that we wouldn’t continue – SWS prevented us from moving on to the next step while they awaited our “decision.” Meanwhile, we (both us and our agency) didn’t even know there was a decision left to be made. Of course, we still want our boy. Of course, we’re still pursuing him.

So I laid on the floor of his room last night, holding the baby blanket with his Korean name on it, and just cried. Cried because my heart was broken, devastated. Cried because Gideon was tested for Down Syndrome just because the neighbor said he looked different (it was negative, obviously). Cried because we’re tired of this seemingly endless pursuit of a diagnosis to explain his delays. Cried because we had just said the biggest YES yet and God [seemingly] slammed the EP door in our faces.

Cried because we thought we’d be holding him in the next 3-4 months, and now we’re looking at 7.

Our agency sent an emphatic “yes” to SWS yesterday, urging them to rush Gideon’s file along. We’re obviously hoping for a miracle. We obviously believe God is bigger than a pile of paperwork. But we also know the decision is completely out of our agency’s hands. It’s out of SWS’s hands. And we don’t even know if the Ministry can legally accept our paperwork outside the standard process. Otherwise, we wait to move forward until November. Three more months for a reason we can’t understand.

So we hope you’ll join us in prayer that somehow, in some way, God will move this mountain or make us okay with it. We humbly ask that you’ll pray for our hearts, that we would somehow feel peace about the eternity that now lies between us and Gideon.

But we also beg of you – unless you are our social worker or another mama in our adoption circle who knows enough about the process and the system to make speculations – not to make comments about expediting his file, or that surely Korea can speed things up. Because we’re setting our sights on the next EP Submission batch at the end of November, and we’re trying to come to terms with that.

And as always, we urge you to keep praying for Gideon. Pray that his foster family doesn’t write him off as a failure in their minds, but that they continue to push him and encourage him and love on him. Korea is determined to find him a diagnosis, but we aren’t ready to do that yet. Pray that God will start preparing him for us, and us for him. Pray that God holds and protects his little heart, that he will somehow know we’re still rooting for him. Pray that he somehow knows deep down that he has a whole tribe of people ready to love the crap out of him, just like they already love his new parents so well.

We love all of y’all.

  • Tara Coombs
    Posted at 17:57h, 28 September Reply

    Oh my heart just breaks for you all! I will keep you all and sweet Giddy in my prayers! 💜

  • Jackie
    Posted at 18:04h, 28 September Reply

    Hang in there, talk to God relentlessly, watch for miracles. Always be ready. Be together as a couple. Love you all, praying & crying.

  • Joe Troyer
    Posted at 18:43h, 28 September Reply

    How heart breaking. God is bigger that all of this and we will continue to lift Gideon up as well as you all as you wait to see whats next. We are still trusting that the process will go quickly and HE will make this a miracle all around! So sorry!

  • Lynda Johnson
    Posted at 19:00h, 28 September Reply

    Sending love & prayers!

  • Dawn
    Posted at 19:08h, 28 September Reply

    Oh I am crying right along with you!! We are praying and crying out for you!! Love you.

  • Melissa D
    Posted at 20:23h, 28 September Reply

    My mama heart is crying with you. Hugs. I am praying for peace, moving of mountains, and that Gideon will feel the love of The Father, his foster family, his forever family and the tribe here! Unfortunately, the adoption journey is an adventure… a hard, long, bending, twisting, hard, exciting, full of questions, and, did I mention, hard?! journey. YET, In our life story, God has put the solution in place, long before the issue surfaced. He’s got this. Lean into Him. Rest. Trust. And enjoy time with Brian, because soon, you will be a family of 3! Praying expectantly!

  • Darla Lyons
    Posted at 20:48h, 28 September Reply

    Oh Brian and Callie….our hearts ache with you for your sweet baby Giddy, and we are storming the gates for a miracle and God’s Presence and Peace to flood your hearts. We love you!

  • Patti Walker
    Posted at 21:06h, 28 September Reply

    Lifting you up in prayer.
    Looking forward to seeing the two of you holding your precious boy. Envisioning it in my mind. God is in this!
    Wondering if Gideon will run like we’ve seen his daddy do? Such a joyful thing to think about.
    Praying for abundant blessings.

  • Connie Bankert
    Posted at 21:17h, 28 September Reply

    So, so sorry. How heart breaking! Praying for you and that God will provide a way for Gideon to come home soon! Love you!

  • gary black
    Posted at 22:29h, 28 September Reply

    I will pray all the things you asked for. It’s an honor.

  • Aunt Dana
    Posted at 11:53h, 29 September Reply

    You are so right about so much in that post! But mostly, we are dying to love the crap out of that kid!! I do know that God will speak to him and love on him no matter the circumstance and no matter the language. You are not alone in the tears that you are crying for this precious little guy. Love all three of you to pieces!!

  • Abigail Puckett
    Posted at 03:43h, 30 September Reply

    Praying Callie. Waiting is so hard; in any context, but doubly so here.

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